It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
