tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
