textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
