I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
