he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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