im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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