The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
