she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
