I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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