this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
