I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
