Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
