I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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