Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
