We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
