i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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