Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
