hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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