I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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