I wanna passion pit in your ass
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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