The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
