Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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