I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
