ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
