Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
