The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
