he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
