You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
