so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
