And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
