I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
