No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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