i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
