wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
