I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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