I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
