don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
