did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
