theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
