You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
