My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
