If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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