I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
