Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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