Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
