So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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