she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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