Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
