I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
