My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
