Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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