Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Alive.
So much puke
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
