ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
